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Dating Dilemma

Submitted By: Ronnie Ann Ryan

Dating Dilemma - Should I Wait For Him to Call?

Here's a dating dilemma that one of my clients, Renee, found herself facing. She had attended a speed-dating event and when she received the "match" results, she was delighted because the man she liked had expressed interest in her! A few days later, he sent her very nice e-mail asking if she wanted to continue their conversation" Renee said yes, sent her number and mentioned she'd be away on vacation the next week. He said he'd try to reach her when she returned.

Well, she didn't hear from him and another week went by. Renee was in a quandary and not sure what to do. Should she wait to see if he contacts her? Should she assume "he's just not that into her?" Should she drop him a brief, but friendly e-mail saying she's back from vacation and wondering if he'd still like to get together?

One of Renee's girlfriends said she should be patient and wait. He has three young kids and things may be really busy. Two other friends thought she should go ahead and e-mail because "life is short." Then Renee asked what I would advise, as her dating coach.

The Dating Coach's Perspective
Normally I prefer that men take charge and reach out. Yes, he did that one time, but then didn't follow through. Who knows why - his reasons, however might not have nothing to do with Renee.

The Situation Analysis
For all we know one of his kids got sick, he met someone else, or he's working on his taxes . It's anyone's guess. I do feel however, that this is a sign - because you want a man who can follow through - who seeks you out and wants to date you. On the other hand, people do get busy and then after not calling, sometimes a guy feels too embarrassed to reconnect. Maybe he lost her number - oh no, sounds like I'm making excuses for him now - and that's not good.

The Advice
Renee liked him and hates to let this go. I understand. What the heck? Send him an email. Go for it! The last thing Renee wants is to wish she had emailed. That's a regret not worth creating.

Renee could say either "Hi, how are you? I'm back from vacation." Or if she can handle the possible rejection, suggest getting together to do one of the activities they have in common. But make the suggestion without a specific time - position it as an opportunity during the next week. There's really no big downside to either type of message.

The Fine Print
What I encourage women to AVOID is making the first move more than once because it could become a habit. Ultimately Renee (or any woman) could waste a lot of time and heart on a guy who's just curious or flattered by being pursued, but not that interested.

Sending a friendly nudge is not a bad thing to do, ONCE. Then see what the guy does. Does he pick up your lead? Does he call and follow through? Or does he do nothing or talk a lot without taking action? If he doesn't attempt to see you, then move on to someone else. It's a big world out there with plenty of fish. Don't get stuck on one lone "sole" when there's a whole school swimming by.